Jesus and other co-pilots.

13 Mar

Have you ever had a “shame spiral”, when you think you have instantly become a loser, and all you do is find further life evidence (as whack as it may be) to bolster this idea? Have you ever had one of those weeks (or years) when you just feel “off” or “out of the loop”? This weekend I was sucker punched with BOTH of these!

These three things really rattled me…for some unknown reason (remember, I’m in the midst of a shame spiral):

1. Neighbors – I think my neighbors hate me. For reals. Not the poor black neighbors, they are super nice, but the white, liberal do-good’ers. I waved and said “hello neighbors” twice this weekend and was totally ignored. I then was driving through my neighborhood and waved at two other neighbors and one waved back (with this confused, almost irritated, look on his face) and the other straight up ignored me. Now, why do these uppity crackers hate me? Maybe because I don’t participate often in the neighborhood activities (e.g. building a new park for the kids, painting a house) – but they always plan this shit in the summer. I’m fat. I sweat a lot. Those two things don’t mix. I did march with them in the gay pride parade (it was overcast and cool outside). They must think I’m a loser and want nothing to do with me. Haters.

2. Spring Forward – I have never missed a “fall back” or “spring forward” hour in my life. Until today. I was watching my favorite show, CBS Sunday Morning Show, thinking it was 9:15AM and then realized it was 10:15AM…whaaaaat! I settle in for 90 minutes of senior-style programming, and BOOM!, all of a sudden it is time for the “nature moment”. How did I miss this? I never miss this? This must be further evidence I have suddenly become a loser.

3. Jesus – I have this friend from high school, and we occasionally touch base via email to check-in. This weekend he emailed and mentioned how well his daughters and wife were doing and then added “and Jesus is my co-pilot :-)”. Some who? I don’t get it. I know over the past few years he has been inching toward the religious tip, and that is cool, but this statement caught me off guard. Was he questioning my co-pilot? Sure, my current co-pilot may be a $5 bottle of chardonnay, but that is probably just temporary. Can he sense this? Is he calling me out? This is obviously further evidence I have suddenly become a loser. Oh, and what did he mean by :-)…I hate emoticons…what do they really mean anyway.

My next post will be after my shame spiral has passed…oh God I hope it passes soon.


One Response to “Jesus and other co-pilots.”

  1. suzy March 14, 2011 at 1:05 am #

    emoticons are whack. i had a shame spiral this morning, myself. they’re fuckin’ awesome. really does wonders for the self-esteem. but mine passed, and it sounds like yours did, too. hallejulah, praise 🙂

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